We want to equip you with the tools to manage and respond to the experience of making milk following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal or older infant loss.

Your body has started making colostrum during your pregnancy. At around 16-20 weeks colostrum naturally turns into breastmilk through postpartum hormones. Not all birthing people will experience lactation after a loss. Some moms experience a sensation of fullness, while others produce and leak.

See our comprehensive lactation after loss pamphlet here.

For more detailed info on topics discussed on the lactation guide, click here.

Finding the right mental health support can be daunting. It requires energy; which bereaved parents simply do not have. Courage in Time founder and fellow loss mama, Jillian, has created a list of therapy/support group resources throughout New Jersey as well as nationwide.

New Jersey

• Therapeutic Providers NJ/NY Area

• Pockets of Light (currently running virtual groups and available for non-NJ residents)

• Forget Me Not Foundation

• Hudson Shea Foundation

Nationwide

• Star Legacy

• M.E.N.D

• First Candle

• Hand to Hold

• Compassionate Friends

• Vaginal bleeding can last for 6-8 weeks (generally as little as 3 weeks, as much as 10 weeks).

• Vaginal or C-section, the bleeding amounts and duration can be the same.

• The bleeding is coming from where the placenta was attached, a large wound around the size of a dinner plate, so allow your body time to heal however it feels most right for you.

• Bleeding will go from red to pink to brown to white and will stop. Bleeding can stop and start again.

• Think of your bleeding as an indicator of your body’s healing—if you feel or see a lot of bleeding after increased activity, that is your body encouraging you to slow down.

• Regardless of the size, length or circumstances of a vaginal delivery, healing is needed.

• Tearing, episiotomy, swelling and hemorrhoids can all cause discomfort.

• Using your perineal spray bottle for cleaning then patting dry with a wipe/toilet paper is best for now.

• Taking advantage of hospital issued perineal care products are important, be sure to ask how to use them if you are unsure (our favorites are Dermoplast and Witch Hazel pads).

• When in doubt, use ice.

• Sitz baths are a great way to soak your perineal area.

• Stitches (if used) will fall out on their own into the toilet within a couple of weeks.

• Keeping your incision dry, clean and coming together is what is most important.

• Use hairdryer on a cool setting after shower or patting dry.

• Basic soap and water during a shower is all that is needed, no creams or ointments unless otherwise directed by your provider.

• Be in close contact with your provider if you notice new drainage, warmth, increased redness, fever, or anything else that feels concerning to you.

• Splinting when coughing, laughing, sneezing or movement can help reduce pain.

• Hormones are rising and falling quickly postpartum, and can take 2-3 months to regulate.

• This can manifest as mood swings, difficulty sleeping, irritability—which can be difficult to separate out from the grief of losing your baby.

• Hot flashes are common.

• Intense sweating, particularly at night time is also common.

• Lactation will likely occur whether you ever produced milk or not. See section “Lactation support” above for more information on this.

• Pregnancy swelling (which can occur anywhere) can takes weeks to dissipate.

• You may feel “phantom kicks” in your belly which can be emotional to experience.

• Cramping in your belly as your uterus is shrinking down to size can be mild to very painful, almost feeling like mini contractions. They typically last a few minutes at a time, and should subside once your bleeding stops.

  • Warm compress, Ibuprofen or Acetaminophen will help.

Your body needs time to heal physically.

• Limiting movement to walking only (no exercise) for around 6 weeks is ideal.

• Not lifting anything heaver than 10-15 pounds will allow your postpartum body the recovery it needs.

• If you notice increased bleeding, rest and take this as a sign to slow down.

• Pelvic rest for the minimum of 6 weeks is recommended. Not only avoiding intercourse during this time, but squatting, heavy lifting, lots of stairs, exercise, etc.

• Avoid swimming, douching, taking baths until your provider clears you to do so.